I'm sure we've all known someone who has complained that they are often misunderstood, others seem unable to understand their personalities, or humor, and simply have difficulty even maintaining a true deep friendship. They have a number of friends, most acquaintances, but have expressed that they long for that special confidant. I've noticed that it's particularly telling when a person is of a mature age, 40's and up, and still complains of their lack of true friends.
I believe we all have a number of people we call friends. We have people we enjoy having lunch with, from time to time, another who makes an extremely good shopping partner, one who is fun to spend a day sharing crafts, but none of them really know what's deep inside our hearts. It's not that we don't like them. It's simply that they have a different place in our lives. This is not a bad thing at all. It's actually quite good. We all need people like that. Yet, women have a real desire to find that one very special friend that will understand every mood, attitude, frustration, short-coming, and love them unconditionally.
For those of us who are praying for a special friend, I think it's important that we look very closely, and ask ourselves a few questions:
1. Do I find myself struggling a bit to remain Christ-minded when I'm with this person?
2. Am I comparing myself to them, or they to me?
3. Have I discovered a few lies?
4. Do they come across as self-righteous?
5. Do they feel the need to be right about everything?
Let's not get carried away here. I'm certainly not suggesting that Christians cannot socialize, or make friends with people who are struggling in their Spiritual walks. Nor am I saying that Christians are not to befriend an unbeliever. What I am saying is that we need to use wisdom in selecting friends that will not pull us down, or cause us to feel less than who we are.
There is a particular trait that I think can be toxic in a relationship. That's the need to compare. This sets the stage for disaster, and will surely destroy a friendship.
I'm sure many would say they've all had a friend who became a "copycat." They visit your home, a few months later they're selling their nice home for a larger one. You let your hair grow out, months later their hair is growing out, the Lord is using you in a beautiful ministry, months later they report something the Lord has called them to do that is on a grander scale, and unfortunately they may even lie about their income.
It's not uncommon for these friends to have confronted people in authority, as they feel they are a step up spiritually. They also like to report that those who have a spiritual education reported being intimidated by their knowledge, and a few other falling outs with leaders in the Church. They leave a trail of annoyances behind them along their journey. My fellow believers, I feel this is the evidence of a proud and self righteous attitude.
We are not called to compare ourselves one to another. The Lord made each one of us beautifully, uniquely, and according to His choosing.
In James 4:4-6, there are some questions that every person in conflict, or frustrated with friendships should ask themselves. Actually, it just can't hurt to ask ourselves those questions period. It's important that we learn to be content. Contentment brings about happiness.
In closing, if you are finding yourself in the midst of a long time friendship that has been "rocky" for years, or in the midst of one that has raised some serious questions, use the 5 questions above as a checklist, but most importantly go to the Lord in prayer. You never know. The Lord may have you help bring some things to light for your friend, and they develop a heart that is willing to be honest before the Lord. On the other hand, be willing to close the door on the relationship if the Lord reveals to you that it's time.
Sometimes "the brook has dried up" in a relationship. It was "tapped out" a long time ago, as we could see the evidence all along. We simply feared losing what we thought was a true friendship.
Pray about it. Ask the Lord to show you what His Will is in the midst of it. But, be ready for Him to answer.
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